I Must Go On
by Dark Destinie
Summary: When an abused Niwa realizes that Hiwatari, whom he thought he had no chance with, just might be interested in him as well, what happens after a surprise meeting at the park? LEMON IN LATER CHAPTERS Niwa x Hiwatari
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER I do not own anything of the D N Angel line, because, frankly, if I did, I wouldn't be writing a spin off of the series now would I ?

This story takes place when the boys are older and Krad and Dark are gone, Niwa's dad is dead, and Hiwatari has been completely abandoned by his "family"

Chapter 1

indicates a switch between POV's, Niwa, and Hiwatari

_ "WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO TALK TO ME YOU WICKED CHILD"_. The words rang through his head over and over as he lied in his room

quietly sobbing to himself, not knowing what to do with himself anymore. He would have given anything to go back to when his father was alive. At least his

mother was passed out because of the alcohol, on the couch downstairs, she couldn't do anything to him if she wasn't conscious to get off her ass to come

after him. This was the only reprieve that ever came during the day. As this last thought crossed his mind, his apprehension and exhaustion overtook him and

he felt himself fall into a fitful and restless sleep.

The ringing of his alarm wasn't the thing that awoke him in the morning, it hadn't been for a while now. No what had awoken him was the thought that the

weekend was over, and he wouldn't have to see his mother until tonight. Whether or not this was a good thing was a mystery to him, because, as a matter of

fact, he would much rather see her during the day when she wasn't slammed and tired, and then, only because he had to see her at all. He knew his mother,

of course he did, she wouldn't let him off the hook, he was her rag doll, her punching bag, he was the thing that she took all of her depression and anger,

sadness, and tension off on. No, if he didn't come home, she would do something about it. She would call the police, contact all of his friends. Even if he did

go to the police, what would he have to prove it. She didn't hit him, but before the accident, they had all loved each other so much, she had meant

everything to him, along with his father. Just as it had before, unfortunately, this hadn't changed. He cared about what she said, he couldn't help it, he cared

about what she thought of him, and he cared about what she did to him, even if everything was only verbal, it still hurt. No, he would have to deal with it until

he was old enough to get out, or find someway he could get away, which at the moment, didn't seem to likely. So he told himself what he always did, he

would just have to get through another day. He would have to, he had made a vow to himself when it started to break him. He WOULD get away, he

wouldn't let what his mother did affect what he turned out to be, he had to go on, he wouldn't let himself give up now. He got up and got ready for school.

He wondered why he hadn't said anything to his friends, oh, yeah, he didn't have any. Another thing his mother had taken from him. Ever since everything

started happening, he just didn't have the strength, or the will to be with his friends, sure they had wondered what was going on, but after countless periods

of asking, they just sort of gave up and left him alone. Now they didn't even say hi when he passed them between classes. One thing that no one had known

about, the one thing that he couldnt tell anyone, for fear of her taking that away to, his love, his passion, the one person that he had admired and looked

longingly after for years now. Satoshi Hiwatari. The boy of his dreams, the one he was sure would protect him, that was, if he had felt the same. He tried to

tell himself that he had a chance, but he knew he was just lying to himself. He knew it was just his hopes coming together into the one person that he loved.

So he would sit in the back ground and watch, just watch. He arrived at school as he always did, first one in, but this morning was different, he wasn't alone

as he usually was. HE was in there. What he was doing here this early, he wondered. But oh well, at least he could catch a few fleeting glimpses of the

handsome bluenett, at least he could watch, and dream, for a while at least.

END OF CHAPTER ONE

Yes, i know, its short, but be kind if your reviews (which are appreciated) because this is my first one...SO NO FLAMES PLEASE????


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter TWO

indicates changing of POV between Niwa and Hiwatari

So he was right. Thats why he never saw him come in, he was already here. He had wondered about the

Niwa kid for a while now, ever since the few days he had been absent a while ago, he had changed.

Everything about him had changed, his demeanor, he attitude, even his friends had left him. So he was

like him now? He was a loner just like him, but most likely not for the same reasons. He was unsure, he

really didn't know what to think about the Niwa boy. Although now that he was actually looking at him,

he had never realized how incredibly gorgeous his eyes were, a flaming ruby red that was the complete

opposite of his icy blue sapphire eyes.

He had also just realized that he had never actually talked to Niwa. Sure Niwa had talked to him, but he

had never answered, he had always wondered WHY he had spoken to him. But ever since then, he had

looked at him in a new way, not like just "one of the others" like he used to. Ever since then, he had

began wondering what it would be like to speak with him more, to be close to him, and to touch him.

He knew he was gay, he had just never been actually interested in another guy besides sexually. Now

he began to think. He didn't like it, no one had ever had this kind of effect on him, he had never had to

question what he did, or what he thought, but Niwa changed that. Whenever he looked at him, he

thought, whenever he thought about him, he wondered. How did he do this with three words? It didn't

make any sense at all, and EVERYTHING made sense to him, everything.

He was looking at him, he knew it, he could feel those icy blue eyes boring into him. What was strange

was this wasn't the first time, and he now knew that it wasn't other people staring at him during the day,

no, he was the one that was looking at him, it felt just the same as all of the other times. He had always

thought it was one of his old friends looking at him and wondering what had happened between them.

He had only ever spoken to him once, he had finally pulled up enough courage to speak to him, and

what had it proven? All of his worst fears, thats what. He had, again, just stared at him, like he was

crazy for even coming within five feet of him. That was when he knew he didn't have a chance, that

was when he had changed to trying to pull up enough courage to get close enough to say hi, and just

hang out in the background and watch him with the longing that only someone that had to deal with

what he dealt with everyday, was capable of holding inside of him. Class was about to start, at least

now he would stop blushing and having to hide the redness from him when all of the other students

came in. The day passed by as usual, unhindered in his studies, and completely ignored by everyone

including the teacher, this was how he liked it, this was how he stayed invisible, this was how he got

through everyday. But by the time the end of 7th hour came along, he was well aware of the fact the

Hiwatari had been looking at him for most of the day, he just wondered why, but, it wasn't time for

wondering, it was time to go home, and that meant the end of all thought for the day, until his mom was

done chewing him out. Well, better now then never right? He packed his things to go and headed out

the door, and the walk home (he had began walking to stall) was VERY uneventful, not that he would

have cared for anything to happen, but still.

The night proceeded as usual, his mom blamed everything that had happened within the past year, the

car accident that killed dad, her drinking and loosing her job (but his father had left plenty of money to

live off of for a LONG while, but she blamed him anyway), and even down the the fact that she

couldn't see straight. But this time was different somehow, this time, it felt more real. Every time this

happened, which of course meant every night, he had always tried to imagine that this was all a dream,

maybe because how each day was the same, and nothing changed, but today had been different, he now

knew that Hiwatari was looking at him, that he had come earlier, and that he now couldn't stop

wondering why he was. No, today was different, it seemed, more real, and as soon as he came upon

that conclusion, everything came fludding back to him, everything that had happened within the past

year, his dad dying, his friends abandoning him (even if that was his fault), his mother hating him with

every ounce of her being, yes, HATING HIM, how could he have not seen it before this? She hated

him, she always would, this was never going to change. Maybe that was what set her off, he spaced out,

he had learned not to do this, because seeming like you weren't paying attention did that to her, she was

sent on a raging anger streak, she couldn't be stopped now, he had done it, but what she did next

completely took him by surprise and he wasn't prepared. She hit him. She hit him hard, which she had

NEVER done, she had always sticked to verbal abuse. Yes, today was different, today was the end of

his will to go on, he would have to find another way.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

He pushed. He pusher her. He pushed her hard, he heard her hit the wall, he knew that it had hurt by the way she gasped for air after having the wind knocked out of her. He didnt stay to see if she was all right, then, of all other things, he ran. He knew what he had to do now, they had made contact, that was the end of it. He ran to his room with such a fervent need to get out he didn't remember much of anything between then and actually running out the door. He ran to his room leaping over ¾ of the steps, reaching his room so fast it made his heart beat even faster. He had planned for this day, but not thinking he would ever have to actually use it, a few things had come out of his "running-away" bag. He grabbed those first, knowing they werent in there, then grabbed his bag, pulled everything else he would need, chucked it haphazardly into the bag and ran.

He hit the door running, opening it so fast it hardly phased him. What was strange was, his mother wasnt there. She wasnt there to bar his path, to yell and him and threaten to call the police as he had envisioned. No, she was somwhere else, where he didnt know, but all the better he guessed. It didnt occur to him at that moment that he actually had no place to go, but what did it matter, he was out, and he was sure that if she didnt try to stop him then, that she wasnt going to stop him now. So he did what every sensible run-away would do, he headed to the park. Thinking ahead, he thought that it would be better to stay out of sight, just in case she DID try to stop him, so he went into the back alley between streets and the houses that were on them. Most people were asleep by now, but he still didnt want to chance someone seeing him and letting out his whereabouts to that witch of a mother.So he slowed down, allowing himself to catch his breath. As soon as he was calmed down, he had a chance to think about everything that had just happened, and, as it stood, it helped pass the time it took to get to the park.

"IM SO TIRED OF THIS". Satoshi yelled to himself, he hadnt yet been able to get Daisuke out of his head since this morning. Why did he have such an effect on him? He hadnt even talked to him that day, but even the fact that they had been alone together in the same room was enough to do this to him. Just as he was brooding to himself, he thought about what the beautiful red-head was doing right now. It didnt seem to likely that he would ever find out, but still he wondered. He needed to clear his head, just how, he hadnt the faintest idea, but he needed to none the less. He got up, went to his coat closet and grabbed the warmest thing he could find. He would go to the park, it was only a block away, he thought to himself, and the fresh air will do me good. So he pulled on his shoes, grabbed his keys and headed out the door.

He stopped to look at just about everything there was to look at. Anything to get me mind off of that gorgeous boy. Besides he didnt think having an erection on and off for the most of the last, what, 11 hours didnt seem to healthy. So he just waited for something to grab his attention enough to keep him occupied until he fell asleep that night. He was right though, the fresh air was definitely helping! When he got the the park, as he expected, it was empty, although, what should you expect at midnight. He went and sat on the swings slowly rocking to the sound of his humming, when something startled him. He didnt even know what it was, but it WAS something. It sounded like footsteps? But why would somone (other than him) be out at the park this...early? When he looked up he didnt see anyone, but the footsteps got louder and louder, it started to panic him. Of course, in an utterly humiliating act, he had forgotten to turn around. There was a sight that he hadnt expected more so than seeing a Liger on the 31st of February. It was him. Oh, thats just great, he thought to himself. Now i will never get to sleep, but first, he wanted an explanation.

Now, you all know that i love you, thats why im writing this (or mostly to keep me occupied during the summer until i go to washington!) BUT, none the less, comments (no flames please) are greatly appreciated and any suggestions, and constructive critisism are WONDERFUL, now be kind, this is my first fic so...yeah, and if you want to read some of my other stuff (its original) just e-mail me! and Kisses from the one

the only

DARK DESTINY


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